Open Doors

So much of my life has been lived with an “open door policy”. In fact in college I was actually paid by the housing department at UC Davis to keep my door open. As a resident advisor I was compensated with free housing and an unlimited meal plan to always keep my door open and make myself available. I was to be a safe space for all the new students, and I loved that job. It felt great to connect with such a diverse array of people. However, the open door policy was not optional, it was required.

Looking back as an adult I realize the cost of being open at all times is actually quite steep. When we always keep our doors open we can never really be alone with ourselves. The constant in ‘n out foot traffic that seems so charming is a hefty price to pay. An interesting note is that most of the students who become resident advisors are from low income backgrounds. The Universtiy takes pride in creating such a great opportunity. Hundreds of the most talented poor kids line up to interview for a dozen positions, because honestly wealthy students don’t need free housing. Only “the lucky ones” get these coveted jobs, to be fair there is no denying serving in this job save you a lot of money (food and housing are not cheap).

However, I can’t help but wonder where my life would have gone if I had closed my door like all the other students? If I had used my precious spare time to explore my interests where might those passions have led? Who would I be if my job didn’t require me to put my needs aside and tend to the needs of everyone around me?

Thankfully now I know how to close a door. In fact I taught myself how to slam them. I can’t help but feel a little sad for the young girl who desperately wanted an education and who deserpately wanted to close her door. I worked three jobs all through college only to end up severely in debt and on a career path that has nothing to do with said degrees. My kids will have more options. They know how to close a door behind them, how to find space and peace and sit with oneself. I hope my children always remember how to open up and share themselves and then how to gracefully retreat and move in the direction of their hearts.

I loved my time at UC Davis but I can’t help but wonder who I would be if I had learned sooner how to close the door to all that didn’t serve my soul. Thankfully the goats inately know what they need. They naturally seek out shelter when they want protection and then wander and explore when the apetite calls. Not By Luck Ranch opens it’s doors multiple times every month, we love connecting with all of you, but then we close the door…because the space and time needed to live to your highest potential is best found behind a closed door. Come visit us soon and see inside, the door is almost always open :)